Stop Secret Santa

By George Christopher Thomas

Do you have to holiday shop for someone you don’t like? Are there co-workers in your office organizing a “Secret Santa,” just to be annoying? Are you forced into being nice to people you would rather tell off and would not pee on if they were on fire?

Stop Secret Santa
Stop Secret Santa

Then I have the perfect gift for that special someone in your life, get them a pet. That is right, there is no way anyone would expect that one coming, a hamster or a bird, maybe a cat or a large dog. This is one of the greatest tricks ever, dropping a pet on someone.

Try to find a bird that chirps a lot, or the most active hamster at the pet store. If you can connect it to some kind of special charity that adopts wild ferrets, even better. This insures that great soul you are so fortunate to work with has to keep the goat and matching chicken from the “Rescued Farm Animals of the Pacific Northwest,” or the ferret from “Republicans for Ferrets.”

As a finale, have a name picked out already, maybe Clarence or Leroy, possibly Fredrick the Cat. Now let’s see if there is the “Secret Santa” lottery draw next year at the office. Seasons Greetings Colleagues!

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